Saturday, January 12, 2008

I live in a boat. The boat has holes. Most of the holes I either make myself or just try to ignore. Because the boat has holes, though, water tends to get into the boat a lot.

Strange, that...

Most of my life seems to be spent ignoring the holes or bemoaning the fact that they exist. I put out my sails, confident that the wind will take me to my destination. I can sail along on the waves for a while, but sooner or later the holes begin to let the water back in, and I’m back where I started, trying to pump all the water out of the boat to survive.

Or I sit in the boat, staring at the holes, wishing they would go away. Every once in a while, usually after I realize just how big the hole is and how little I can do about it, I let the boat owner take over and work on it. But it takes time, and sometimes I just don’t want to wait. I want to be back on the water, skimming the waves, with the wind at my back and the sun on my face.

But I don’t like realizing the boat has holes or acknowledging the fact that I simply cannot do anything about them by myself. So I use people or food or the computer or anything to distract me. I can pretend to be happy, and for the time, while my mind is off those holes, I AM happy... Sort of.

It’s true that I don’t need to worry about the holes all the time. It’s not my job to fix them, only to bring the boat to the boat owner so He can fix them. But I’d rather sail.

Lord, my prayer today is this: Bring me back to You. I desperately need You. All the people You have put in my life are wonderful, but I need You.

Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend

You are my desire
No one else will do
'Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near
~ “Draw Me Close To You”


Matthew said...

Wow, Allegra. That's a really good image. It matches how I feel about myself a lot. Thanks for the post.

Connor said...

I would have to agree, that pretty much sums up how I unfortunately act most of the time...

Allegra said...

Connor and Matthew, I think this is a description of a "normal sinner," if you will. I know it's not fun admitting that we act this way, but it's still true that we do. And it's a good reminder that we are in God's trustworthy hands and that He is directing the boat.