So much happens. Doesn't God understand that I can only handle so much at a time? I guess not... Perhaps He knows something I don't. As it is, a lot has happened in a short amount of time. (Wait...didn't I already say something like that?)
Anyway, God has a really strange way of working. He doesn't let us have what we want when we want it. He waves a carrot in front of our noses. Once we realize that we REALLLY want it, He takes it away until we decide that our lives don't revolve around that carrot. Then He might give us back the carrot, though it doesn't always work that way. It depends on what He's trying to teach us...
I'm beginning to realize what Dad tried to tell me before (although now he says he wasn't meaning to say it out loud--he wanted me to figure it out for myself): God will not give us what we want until we actually let go of it. The more WE try to hold onto something precious, the less He will let us have it. Gee, I should have let go a long time ago... But then again, I know He uses pain to speak to us in a way that being happy wouldn't.
Perhaps related to this topic, perhaps not are my thoughts... I began to realize about a month and a half ago that I do not want romance in my life. I'm not trying to put myself in a glass box, but, well, I guess I am. You see, I've decided that I'd far rather be friends with lots of guys rather than choose one to just give my heart to.
The last time I loved someone, the cutting off of it hurt more than I could even describe (though you can be sure that I tried). I'm not trying to protect myself from pain (though it sounds nice) - only God can really do that and do it well if He wants to. But, like I said, God uses pain sometimes.
No, my decision is different from attempting to close myself off from the rest of the world. It means not finding just one person but many to love. It means growing in friendships. It means not setting myself up for failure by falling head-over-heels.
Isn't this the best time in life to be friends with guys anyways? Heck, I think being friends with guys is probably a better way of meeting your future spouse than choosing one specific guy to be "his girlfriend". The whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing is highly overrated because we teenagers don't need romance right now.
Ay yi yi. I'm turning this into what Lydia's friend would call 'The Fluff of Oratory.' Guess what I'm trying to say is that while I still have the desire for romance, it's going on the back burner to develop for Mr. Right. In the meantime, I'm so excited about learning how to be friends with guys and not be self-conscious every time I spend time with one. Romance distorts perspective, but friendship allows freedom for all.
I've probably proposed something rather weird. Maybe you've got questions or arguments against what I've just said. I welcome what you have to say with open ears. This is still in the developing stages of a "scientific theory," if you will. All supporting and contradictory evidence is welcome in order to gain a full perspective. :D
In other news, life...is...crazy!!!! Again, I wonder what exactly God is thinking. It's really awesome to plug into His thoughts via the Bible, but that's another topic for another day (or another week/month at this rate). Last Friday was a debate tournament. Lydia and her partner went 4-0, winning ALL their debates! Dang, she's good.
Esther and I did okay. I'm quite happy with how we did. First round we hit Enos/Liddard and were Aff. We didn't exactly get creamed, but we ran into a lot of new arguments that we weren't prepared to address. They're great practice! It was a lot of fun, too. We lost that one.
Second round we hit Malenke/Watson and were Neg. Why is it that every time I hit Parker I don't have the negative brief printed off that I need but it's sitting on the computer at home?!?!? Oh well... It was an interesting debate. We lost that one as well.
Lunch must have been really good for Esther and I, because our third round afterwards was against Moon/Tullis, and we were Aff. At Gold last spring, they kept Lydia and Hillary from breaking to outrounds, so we were kind of intimidated, but they did not have anything against our case, and we won that round.
The last debate of the day was interesting. They had paired up experienced debaters against experienced debaters the rest of the day, but this last round was power-matched, and novices were against experienced debaters. We hit a totally new team, who won't exist the rest of the year (which is good, since I forget the other dude's last name...). Oh! Childs/Watson. They were remarkably good for first-year debaters. We were Negative against their case (one that I particularly dislike, as it is totally non-topical) and won that round.
This Saturday we drive down to Pueblo for a speech tournament. None of my speeches are really ready. Oh well. I love procrastination. One of these days I might even tell you the benefits of it.
Hope all is well with you, dear reader. May God bless you.
An Old Irish Blessing
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.