Sunday, April 01, 2007

I have two questions for you, and then you can get on to the interesting stuff. First, does anyone have an absolutely beautiful definition of "abolish"? I'm looking at definitions of "abolish" in the context of this year's NCFCA resolution: Resolved: that NATO (the North Atlantic Treaty Organization) should be significantly reformed or abolished. Second, should I download Picasa for pictures? It looks interesting, but...

One of my friends sent this to me, and I thought everyone should have a chance to see it. The thing itself wasn't as funny as the comments that he (? I'm assuming he put in the comments) put at the end of each label.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer - "Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

On a bag of Fritos - "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap - "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how???...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners - "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom) - "Do not turn upside down."
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron - "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine - "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid - "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And...I'm taking this because???...)

On most brands of Christmas lights - "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor - "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts - "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts - "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume - "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw - "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
(Oh my gosh...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I loved the one about the children's cough medicine. What about you?

4 comments:

Mark Watson said...

Definitions of abolish? I feel really nerdy posting definitions of the word abolish online, but here are a couple juicy ones I found. Don't tell any non-debaters I am doing this :-P.

"to end an activity or custom officially" -Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary on 2007
(Is NATO an activity or custom? Can we really abolish it? I don't think this argument would hold any water, but it is interesting)

"formally put an end to (a system, practice, or institution)" -New Oxford American Dictionary, 2nd edition, accessed 2007
(very basic)

"outlaw something: to put an end to something such as a law" -Encarta® World English Dictionary 2007
(Again, very basic)

I don't think you can/should get very creative with a definition of abolish.

BTW, you should download Picasa, it's really nice.

WebN8 said...

Actually, the comments were already there when I got it. They might have been a part of the original message... I don't know. But yeah, the human race is deffinately doomed to death by stupidity.... :-P

Did you wan't an aff deff, or a neg counter deff? I haven't seen the deffinition of abolish argued much this year, so I'm not sure it will help you. Depends on what you have in mind I guess.

=-=
WebN8

Allegra said...

Mark, you're white and nerdy, remember? It's cool to post definitions! :D I like definition 2. Thanks for sharing those!

You're probably right about not getting TOO creative with that definition. :) And I might just try Picasa (your blog is what got me started thinking about it), but we'd have to download something, and I'll have to get Dad's permission first.

N8, I'm actually thinking about an aff defn of abolish. I've got something up my sleeve that may or may not work. It seems like every team out there (okay, well, the Schuemanns) has something up their sleeves for Gold...

And about the article posted on here that you sent: Dad said it would be interesting to see the lawsuits behind each of these warning labels...I dunno, though. It might be rather depressing!

Allegra said...

Oh...I found this definition off Merriam-Webster yesterday...I need a better source, but...

Abolish: “To end the observation or effect of” (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, 2007)