Community of the Wrongly Accused: Barbaric: It is 'worth the risk' to punish innocen...

I highly suggest reading the article this article links to (written by a female, ironically), and then reading this person's analysis of the comments made. It makes me angry that "educated" females can be so freaking stupid... I guess they think the world revolves around them. It's okay if our entire justice system breaks down if they can have their say and get what they consider justice...

Community of the Wrongly Accused: Barbaric: It is 'worth the risk' to punish innocen...: The University of Maryland's student newspaper is running a story today  about how the university lowered its standards for finding students...

It has been almost an entire year since I last posted on this blog or any of my blogs. It is amazing what happens in a year! Who would have guessed that I would have gone to UCCS, PPCC, and now ACC in that short a time? Who would have guessed what events would transpire in the next eleven months? Certainly not me. I dare not guess what the Lord has for me in future years to come.

...Well, I will dare a little. I will dare to hope that I will get through this semester, my first semester working and going to school at the same time. I will dare to hope that I can get good grades in all my classes so that I can be eligible for the nursing program here or wherever else God opens a door for me. I will dare to hope that I can get through the LPN program, get a good job, make money, and marry my sweetheart. Yes, I am bold--but I dare to hope that all will come true. I love being young because I look forward to the future. I love having promise of change (not the kind Obama promises, but change for the better). Youth is not always wasted on the young. It is unfortunate, however, that I am not good at being content with where God has put me for now. In that way, I suppose my youth is wasted on me...

(It is 1 AM as I write this, and I have gotten out of the practice of writing coherent rants, so I am trying, unsuccessfully, to be clear.)

Who can guess what God has in store for each one of us? Each day is a new experience. Today may be the most boring day you have ever had, yet it may change your life. It may be the most exciting day and a turning point. Each day is important and invaluable. God uses each day to change us. He is using every moment to shape and mold us. I wonder if He does it despite what we want... I think He does sometimes, because I know sometimes I prefer to remain stagnant. But He is also a gentleman and will not push us more than we will let Him. My theology must be really strange, but I believe it is a combination--He pushes me into circumstances I do not want, but I then have the choice to learn from it or not.

Like I said, who would have guessed what would happen in these eleven months for me? They were not a lot of fun. At times, I really tried to take things into my hands. And yet... God had everything under control, in His capable hands, the entire time. He used everything, still is using everything, to grow me in ways I would not have imagined.

I am learning self-discipline: working night shifts, morning shifts, and the graveyard shifts, and then going to school, doing homework, and trying to sleep have forced me to learn how to get enough sleep to survive. Everybody used to have to TELL me to go get sleep, but I think I figured out that I need to get sleep without them bossing me around... (Gee, you would think I would have figured this out when I was, what, 13 at the latest?!) :P

I am learning to stand on my own two feet. I am not advocating being a rugged individualist (although the American culture certainly is pervasive more than most people are conscious of), but I do advocate knowing what you think. I let people think for me before; I am figuring out what exactly *I* think now. Not that what I think is all that amazing or profound or always accurate, but it means that I am not weak-minded and easily swayed by the best-sounding arguments. I have to actually THINK! And that means the beliefs I was raised with are becoming my own, rather than my parents'. Again, I wish I had figured this out years before, but better late than never. I am becoming my "own" person, if you will. An individual who knows that she alone will stand before the Lord one day and give an account for her actions; no one else will be there to say they did everything and I just followed.

I have gained some self-confidence. Perhaps that is not the term to use. I am not confident in myself, but I am confident that the Lord has given me abilities to do things I never imagined possible before. I have strength that I never knew I had.

I have come to realize that my parents did a lot of things right. And I admire them for the things that must have been difficult but they did anyway. I realize now just how ungrateful a wretch I am; maybe one day, when our relationship is restored completely, I will be able to tell them how grateful I am for everything they provided, did, and how much they loved me.

And through all this stuff has been my sweetheart. God brought him along at just the right time. To be my best friend, support, and comfort. How blessed I am! Ricky is an incredible blessing. Incredible. And I love, yes, LOVE him. I used to wonder if I knew what true love is; and God reminded me that "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). He showed that to me, and I get to show it to Ricky and everyone else around me. I trust him, admire him, and respect him for the man that he is. He sure is not perfect, and we both get to remind each other of our weaknesses, but I love him, warts and all. (:P)

God is good.

You’re The Only Place
Sung by Josh Groban

Seems like our love is on a road to nowhere fast
All my life I thought a love like this would last
But every road can hide a corner we can't see
I had a vision that I woke up by your side
I felt you breathing and our souls were intertwined
But who controls love's destiny? Not me.

We had it all right in our hands,
We had the space to fly and still a place to land

So I'm calling out, I'm calling out to the only one
Who can save us from what we've done
Don't leave me hanging on
I'm reaching out and praying you'll come back again
It's just darkness I'm living in
And you're the only place my heart has ever been.

Maybe I'm young and in the ways of love naive
Maybe I'm desperate for a reason to believe
There wasn't any way I thought that we would fall.
I've seen perfection in a rainbow in the sky
I've seen a child make the coldest grown man cry
But loving you I thought was greater than them all.

We had it all, just you and me
Now there's a doorway to my heart without a key

So I'm calling out, I'm calling out to the only one
Who can save us from what we've done
Don't leave me hanging on
I'm reaching out and praying you'll come back again
It's just darkness I'm living in
And you're the only place my heart has ever been.

Wherever you are right now
Come back and show me how you feel
Because I'm lost without you here

Calling out, I'm calling out to the only one
Who can save us from what we've done
Don't leave me hanging on
And I'm reaching out and praying you'll come back again
It's just darkness I'm living in
Cause you're the only place my heart has ever been.

ROFLOL! I love http://icanhascheezburger.com...

So I decided my last post (actually written last night, not today) was too depressing. So everyone else needs to know what's going on in my life, what happened yesterday, and what is going to happen. :-D

(I laughed so hard at this picture, I think I disturbed everyone in the general vicinity...)

Yesterday. Was Tuesday. What more can I say? I stayed up until 11ish the night before working on post-labs, pre-labs, and in-between-labs (:-P). I DID get the data I had been freaking about, although I THOUGHT that a 700% yield of a compound was a little much... Then I got up (later than I was expecting--what can I say? I don't like getting up at 5:30!!!), went to school, finished all my pre-, post-, and half-labs. ...Barely.

I rushed into Biology lecture in time to hear my teacher explaining what groups we were going to be in. Good thing I didn't miss THAT lecture! We actually had a really fun time going off and researching C. diff. PLUS I got 3 extra points for my exam. That's always nice... :-/

Next I rushed to my Chemistry lab, only to discover that I had thrown my goggles away along with the remnants of my lunch (just a plastic bag--don't worry, folks, I haven't changed into some weirdo that only eats half her sandwich). Well, I thought I had thrown them away. Turns out the goggles decided to go into hiding underneath all my textbooks... Smart move, I thought.

Chemistry lab was really pretty fun. My lab partner and I figured out that 58.9% is a much more reasonable for percent yield, rather than 700% (GOSH!), and then we all learned about the characteristics of acids and bases, did some titrations, and made pretty colors. (Why IS it that when someone flirts with you, they insult you??? It's like insulting is a love language or something...)

(Yes, I am being random. Questions? I had coffee this morning.)

Biology lab was next. I actually had time to read ahead while I was sitting there waiting, because Chemistry lab got out a little early and Biology lab is supposed to start 10 minutes after Chemistry lab ends. (That's confusing... Let's just say I had time to read.) We examined our spit and looked at other fascinating bacteria. I was really tired, so it wasn't quite as much fun as it could have been. :-(

I slept on the way home...

Then worked out...

Then was so freaking tired that I couldn't go to bed until 10:30. I am so much like my father when it comes to staying up because I am tired. Yikes.

Benefits of being tired: I watched a documentary on Islamic extremists called "Obsession" and folded all my laundry...from Monday, but we don't talk about laundry timelines. That would be, like, airing my dirty laundry. (Sorry... I think the pun didn't work that time...)

Yesterday was enough for this post. I desperately need to work on that Bible study. Ah, homework... :-)

I miss the good old days. Everyone says not to look back and wish for the old days. But like the children of Israel, I look back and sigh. I do miss what I had, although I certainly will not discredit God’s incredible grace, the remarkable journey He is taking me on, and where He has brought me.

But still I miss the old days. I miss my life from about January through May. Those were wonderful, albeit short months. But then something changed. They became scared again. Everything went downhill from there. We tenaciously held on. But They won.

Even now, I am afraid that I am not thinking in a right way. It is still me against Them. It should not be this way. It is my fault that I see Them as the enemy. But I do. Pray that I grow up and see Them as my allies.

But... I miss the good old days. No, they were not completely good. But we had freedom. There was promise of beautiful things. I had hope. I cannot blame Them. I cannot say They took away my hope. But the hope I now have is regardless of Them. They still have power to dash that hope to pieces. But my hope is not based on anything They will give me.

I am tired. It was a very long day today. That always makes me mellow and moody. I always pity the people who have to put up with me when I am tired. Perhaps that is why I am acting this way.

But no, I am simply verbalizing what I have been thinking for over a month. I need people to get into my mind and show me how wrong I am (*kindly*). I need brothers and sisters in Christ to come alongside me and encourage me to turn away from my wrong thinking. It seems I am in a vicious cycle right now. And the problem is, I need encouragement from people. But They think I am fine now (I no longer have him, so what problems should I have in life???) and do not need help. I am not sure I would accept Their help either. Oh, I am so evil!

And now... No, even then, back after things went downhill, even my closest friends were able to be more free and spend more time with him than I was. Our friends were able to spend more time with him, were even able to stay at his house, while I stayed at home... Yes, I am showing my evil side: I was and am jealous. It is not fair.

But... If life was fair, I would be in hell right now. So I suppose I do not want fairness. But... Oh, how I long to be close to him!

It reminds me of the verse in Song of Solomon, chapter 8, which says “O that thou wert as my brother...! when I should find thee without, I would kiss thee; yea, I should not be despised.” (My good old KJV is the closest Bible at hand tonight.) And, again, of the idea that the best things in life sometimes come at the highest price and are the hardest to get.

I am the woman. I am not supposed to be the aggresor. I am not supposed to be interested or at all emotionally attached. But I am interested. I do wish. I do want. And I am so tempted to say... Just DEAL with it! I will not deny what is going on in this heart of mine.

But I know that my heart is desperately wicked and horribly deceitful, that there is nothing good in it. And so I try to keep it in check and take every thought captive. I will wait and pray. For there is naught else I can do. God is in control, and life is best that way.

Sunday, 5 October 2008

I am sitting in my room working on homework right now. I have been sitting in my room working on homework for approximately two hours today, SUNDAY. Sundays used to be days of rest, and they are... In the mornings when I am rejuvenated spiritually by going to church. But then I come home, maybe take a brief nap or something, and then jump back into doing homework. I thought college was not that different from high school. How wrong I was...

I am trying to think of something pithy to say that my dear readers can take away and maybe share with their friends and family. But nothing comes to mind. So I will share a marvelous realization that struck me today in church (and, because I have to hear something multiple times to get it, I have to confess that I have had this realization before): If I have not a goal, a vision, a plan for the work that surrounds me, I will be swallowed up and have nothing to show for the time spent when my life is over.

Doesn’t that sound cool? What I mean is that I realized that I need to have a purpose for my school. I have to remember that it is part of a bigger picture and that it is not my life’s calling (I thank God for that sometimes). If I forget the bigger picture, it is so easy to get swallowed into the depths of despair when I have five ginormous (no, that is not a real word, as my spell-checker is quick to point out) assignments due on Tuesday (AAAAAAACK!).Yeah...

So I am taking Spanish 101 with Senora Endicott and enjoying the class. It was so helpful last year to take Spanish with my other siblings using Rosetta Stone and also taking from a lady in our church who used to live in Spain. It is perhaps my easiest class and is still worth five credits. Yay!

I took a test two weeks ago in Spanish and did fairly well. I think I have an A in the class. We have another test coming up on the 17th. I hope that goes well.

Chemistry and Biology are harder. I have a B and C, respectively, in those classes. But at least I have a C. That is the lowest grade I can have in any class and still receive state funding for attending college while still in high school.

Oh, and today is a Chemistry quiz. I am not really looking forward to it. I should study...

So that concludes my update for now. How are all my dear readers?